已經是舊聞，不過近日方有餘暇一睹全段演說。委實精彩，前段的「棟篤笑」尤甚。奧巴馬先拿自己的老婆囡囡開涮，接著再把身邊一眾幕僚拍檔、共和黨人、商界名流都串勻了。不過當中不少的「gig」，如果不是熟悉政圈人事的記者，都幾難識笑。其中講及白宮幕僚總長 Rahm Emanuel 的那個 Mother Day gig，我就聽得一頭霧水。後來方知道原來是拐了一個大彎串 Emanuel 爛口。（但，明白之後，真後幾好笑，高章！）
不知何時我們才會有這樣的一個特首．．．。都係算把啦，曾特首連基本的「詞能達意」都做不到，更莫提甚麼「棟篤笑」。
Part I
Part II
演說全文如下：
THE WHITE HOUSE
Office of the Press Secretary
_________________________________________________________________
For Immediate Release May 10, 2009
REMARKS BY THE PRESIDENT
AT WHITE HOUSE CORRESPONDENTS' ASSOCIATION DINNER
May 9, 2009
Washington Hilton
Washington, D.C.
9:56 P.M. EDT
THE PRESIDENT: Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Good evening. You know, I had an entire speech prepared for this wonderful occasion, but now that I'm here I think I'm going to try something a little different. Tonight I want to speak from the heart. I'm going to speak off the cuff. (Teleprompters rise.) (Laughter and applause.)
Good evening. (Laughter.) Pause for laughter. (Laughter.) Wait a minute, this may not be working as well as I -- (laughter.) Let me try that again.
Good evening, everybody. (Applause.) I would like to welcome you all to the 10-day anniversary of my first 100 days. (Laughter.) I am Barack Obama. Most of you covered me. All of you voted for me. (Laughter and applause.) Apologies to the Fox table. (Laughter.) They're -- where are they? I have to confess I really did not want to be here tonight, but I knew I had to come -- just one more problem that I've inherited from George W. Bush. (Laughter.)
But now that I'm here, it's great to be here. It's great to see all of you. Michelle Obama is here, the First Lady of the United States. (Applause.) Hasn't she been an outstanding First Lady? (Applause.) She's even begun to bridge the differences that have divided us for so long, because no matter which party you belong to we can all agree that Michelle has the right to bare arms. (Laughter and applause.)
Now Sasha and Malia aren't here tonight because they're grounded. You can't just take Air Force One on a joy ride to Manhattan. (Laughter.) I don't care whose kids you are. (Laughter.) We've been setting some ground rules here. They're starting to get a little carried away.
Now, speaking -- when I think about children obviously I think about Michelle and it reminds me that tomorrow is Mother's Day. Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in the audience. (Applause.) I do have to say, though, that this is a tough holiday for Rahm Emanuel because he's not used to saying the word "day" after "mother." (Laughter.) That's true. (Laughter.)
David Axelrod is here. You know, David and I have been together for a long time. I can still remember -- I got to sort of -- I tear up a little bit when I think back to that day that I called Ax so many years ago and said, you and I can do wonderful things together. And he said to me the same thing that partners all across America are saying to one another right now: Let's go to Iowa and make it official. (Laughter and applause.)
Michael Steele is in the house tonight. (Applause.) Or as he would say, "in the heezy." (Laughter.) What's up? (Laughter.) Where is Michael? Michael, for the last time, the Republican Party does not qualify for a bailout. (Laughter.) Rush Limbaugh does not count as a troubled asset, I'm sorry. (Laughter.)
Dick Cheney was supposed to be here but he is very busy working on his memoirs, tentatively titled, "How to Shoot Friends and Interrogate People." (Laughter.)
You know, it's been a whirlwind of activity these first hundred days. We've enacted a major economic recovery package, we passed a budget, we forged a new path in Iraq, and no President in history has ever named three Commerce Secretaries this quickly. (Laughter.) Which reminds me, if Judd Gregg is here, your business cards are ready now. (Laughter.)
On top of that, I've also reversed the ban on stem cell research, signed an expansion -- (applause) -- signed an expansion of the children's health insurance. Just last week, Car and Driver named me auto executive of the year. (Laughter.) Something I'm very proud of.
We've also begun to change the culture in Washington. We've even made the White House a place where people can learn and can grow. Just recently, Larry Summers asked if he could chair the White House Council on Women and Girls. (Laughter.) And I do appreciate that Larry is here tonight because it is seven hours past his bedtime. (Laughter.) Gibbs liked that one. (Laughter.)
In the last hundred days, we've also grown the Democratic Party by infusing it with new energy and bringing in fresh, young faces like Arlen Specter. (Laughter.) Now, Joe Biden rightly deserves a lot of credit for convincing Arlen to make the switch, but Secretary Clinton actually had a lot to do with it too. One day she just pulled him aside and she said, Arlen, you know what I always say -- "if you can't beat them, join them." (Laughter.)
Which brings me to another thing that's changed in this new, warmer, fuzzier White House, and that's my relationship with Hillary. You know, we had been rivals during the campaign, but these days we could not be closer. In fact, the second she got back from Mexico she pulled into a hug and gave me a big kiss. (Laughter.) Told me I'd better get down there myself. (Laughter.) Which I really appreciated. I mean, it was -- it was nice. (Laughter.)
And of course we've also begun to change America's image in the world. We talked about this during this campaign and we're starting to execute. We've renewed alliances with important partners and friends. If you look on the screen there, there I am with Japanese Prime Minister Taro Aso. There I am with Gordon Brown.
But as I said during the campaign, we can't just talk to our friends. As hard as it is, we also have to talk to our enemies, and I've begun to do exactly that. Take a look at the monitor there. (Laughter.) Now, let me be clear, just because he handed me a copy of Peter Pan does not mean that I'm going to read it -- (laughter) -- but it's good diplomatic practice to just accept these gifts.
All this change hasn't been easy. Change never is. So I've cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He's warm, he's cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. You just have to keep him on a tight leash. Every once in a while he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble. But enough about Joe Biden. (Laughter.)
All in all, we're proud of the change we've brought to Washington in these first hundred days but we've got a lot of work left to do, as all of you know. So I'd like to talk a little bit about what my administration plans to achieve in the next hundred days.
During the second hundred days, we will design, build and open a library dedicated to my first hundred days. (Laughter.) It's going to be big, folks. (Laughter.) In the next hundred days, I will learn to go off the prompter and Joe Biden will learn to stay on the prompter. (Laughter.)
In the next hundred days, our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all, we have a lot in common. He is a person of color. (Laughter.) Although not a color that appears in the natural world. (Laughter.) What's up, John? (Laughter.)
In the next hundred days, I will meet with a leader who rules over millions with an iron fist, who owns the airwaves and uses his power to crush all who would challenge his authority at the ballot box. It's good to see you, Mayor Bloomberg. (Laughter.)
In the next hundred days, we will housetrain our dog, Bo, because the last thing Tim Geithner needs is someone else treating him like a fire hydrant. (Laughter.) In the next hundred days, I will strongly consider losing my cool. (Laughter.)
Finally, I believe that my next hundred days will be so successful I will be able to complete them in 72 days. (Laughter.) And on the 73rd day, I will rest. (Laughter.)
I just -- I want to end by saying a few words about the men and women in this room whose job it is to inform the public and pursue the truth. You know, we meet tonight at a moment of extraordinary challenge for this nation and for the world, but it's also a time of real hardship for the field of journalism. And like so many other businesses in this global age, you've seen sweeping changes and technology and communications that lead to a sense of uncertainty and anxiety about what the future will hold.
Across the country, there are extraordinary, hardworking journalists who have lost their jobs in recent days, recent weeks, recent months. And I know that each newspaper and media outlet is wrestling with how to respond to these changes, and some are struggling simply to stay open. And it won't be easy. Not every ending will be a happy one.
But it's also true that your ultimate success as an industry is essential to the success of our democracy. It's what makes this thing work. You know, Thomas Jefferson once said that if he had the choice between a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, he would not hesitate to choose the latter.
Clearly, Thomas Jefferson never had cable news to contend with -- (laughter) -- but his central point remains: A government without newspapers, a government without a tough and vibrant media of all sorts, is not an option for the United States of America. (Applause.)
So I may not -- I may not agree with everything you write or report. I may even complain, or more likely Gibbs will complain, from time to time about how you do your jobs, but I do so with the knowledge that when you are at your best, then you help me be at my best. You help all of us who serve at the pleasure of the American people do our jobs better by holding us accountable, by demanding honesty, by preventing us from taking shortcuts and falling into easy political games that people are so desperately weary of.
And that kind of reporting is worth preserving -- not just for your sake, but for the public's. We count on you to help us make sense of a complex world and tell the stories of our lives the way they happen, and we look for you for truth, even if it's always an approximation, even if -- (laughter.)
This is a season of renewal and reinvention. That is what government must learn to do, that's what businesses must learn to do, and that's what journalism is in the process of doing. And when I look out at this room and think about the dedicated men and women whose questions I've answered over the last few years, I know that for all the challenges this industry faces, it's not short on talent or creativity or passion or commitment. It's not short of young people who are eager to break news or the not-so-young who still manage to ask the tough ones time and time again. These qualities alone will not solve all your problems, but they certainly prove that the problems are worth solving. And that is a good place as any to begin.
So I offer you my thanks, I offer you my support, and I look forward to working with you and answering to you and the American people as we seek a more perfect union in the months and years ahead.
Thank you very much, everybody. Thank you. (Applause.)
END 10:12 P.M. EDT
星期四, 五月 28, 2009
"Day" after "Mother" - 奧巴馬的白宮記者宴演說
星期一, 九月 29, 2008
醫院二三事之出院
一阿婆匆匆地走入病房，直奔護士站。
護士：阿婆未到探病時間喎，你有咩事？
阿婆：我想幫我老公出院。
護士：你老公係邊位？
阿婆：阿陳大文。
護士：（翻查病歷後．．．）你老公未出得院喎。
阿婆：唔係丫姑娘，我有急事要我老公出院。
護士：有咩急事丫？
阿婆：我要同老公出院去銀行排隊攞錢。
一片死寂之後．．．
護士：呢樣野我話唔到事，我幫你問醫生啦。
．．．
這日正是謠傳東亞銀行會倒閉的那天。不過就算如是，以阿婆那個騎呢的出院理由，恐怕搵顧問醫生亦幫不到她老公出院．．．
醫院二三事之神婆
轉了工，要經常在醫院出入，有時都會遇上一些奇人奇事．．．
．．．
在物理治療前，醫護人員會先做一問卷調查，以瞭解病人的身體狀況。
護士：阿婆有冇中過風丫？
阿婆：冇中風。
護士：有冇糖尿病或者高血壓？
阿婆：冇糖尿，冇血壓。
護士：咁大小便有冇問題？
阿婆：冇大便、冇小便。
「阿婆，你真係答得好順口，囉．．．」我心想。
星期一, 九月 17, 2007
蟋蟀與皇后
近日開始清理堆積如山的舊報紙，偶有拾遺。
《信報》這陣子改動不斷，週六版亦有不少新欄目出現。除了前些時日那抵死啜核的《求知者日記》系列和曇花一現的讀書版，其中兩個新開的專欄《逍遙「法」外》和《蘭開夏道》亦甚合口味。
八月十八日的《逍遙「法」外》，談的是巴黎蟋蟀。
蟋蟀嘛自然不會陌生，小時候居處附近有一大片草叢，夜幕一至，蟬鳴蟋蟀叫隨之而起。但巴黎的蟋蟀卻不是棲身叢林，而是在地鐵站內。蟋蟀本是在南部較熱的地方生活，後來有部份蟋蟀隨著貨運來到巴黎，早期愛住在麵包店的焗爐或住宅的火爐旁，因為這些地方較暖。後來又找到新居所，就是巴黎的地鐵。蟋蟀要求不高，人們吸煙後棄下的煙頭，內裏的煙絲正是牠們的主要食糧。報道又說，由於巴黎地鐵一天運行十八小時，車輪與路軌的磨擦所產生高溫，比自然環境還要熱，因此地鐵蟋蟀的性生活比自然環境的蟋蟀還要活躍，交配特多，繁殖速度更高。
很難想像香港的地鐵會有蟋蟀生存，還要在晚上讓乘客有「清脆的蟋蟀鳴聲相伴」。如果有的話，等待牠們的，恐怕不是特多的性生活，而是不少的殺蟲水。
更難想像的是，有人為這些蟋蟀成立了一個「保護巴黎地鐵蟋蟀聯盟」，旨在維護蟋蟀們的「權益」。．．．在地鐵職工罷工期間，提醒勞方就算拒載乘客，也要繼續讓列車運行，否則路軌會因缺乏磨擦而變冷，令蟋蟀慘被凍死；此外是爭取司法部放寬實施一條在地鐵內禁煙的法例，因為人們不吸煙，就不會有煙頭棄下，蟋蟀因此會斷糧。
作者最後說「我很欣賞他們的勇氣，他們維護的不單是一些小昆蟲，還有一種人生觀。」蟋蟀是外來居民，生活於社會底層，靠人棄我取的資源維生，但仍能快活地過活。
我想作者對蟋蟀的維護，亦包含著一種自我的投射吧！
偶拾的另一篇文章，是八月九日陳雲的《皇后》。
陳雲的文章，並非篇篇都是我杯茶，但其月旦時事的，每每能切中要害，讀之人心大快。粉碎天星、拆散皇后，有道理講嗎？有！用最粗淺的俚語村言，也可將事情攤開，講個明白：「你估拆碼頭，起馬路起商場，賣地ｄ錢落我袋㗎？你地住公屋、讀官校、攞綜援、睇公家醫生，唔使錢㗎？唔賣地，唔通加稅呀？中環ｄ業務集中，半山有錢佬多，點解要離開中環另外搵地起商場寫字樓呢？ｄ大老闆唔同人迫車㗎，佢地一定要坐私家車入中環㗎。點解有成錢唔賺盡ｄ先？香港淨係得番金融呢瓣嘢，係大陸佬點都搞唔掂，要靠香港幫手。冇咗金融中心呢個『食』力，大陸畀條毛你呀？香港人仲有碇企呀？呢ｄ嘢，你地不嬲都明㗎？仲嚟抗議，懵Ｘ咗呀？」應一時一地之所需，當然可以談笑風生，口沫橫飛，但當有市民翻舊賬，問「添馬艦笪地咁貴，地產商都睺住晒，你點解又唔賣Ｑ咗佢，政府留番畀自己起寫字樓托炮呀？」那就無言以對了。
陳雲行文，能文能白，想不到連「粗淺的俚語村言」在他筆下亦能粗鄙得嚟又言之有物，怎生一個「服」字了得？
蟋蟀與皇后並在一起，不禁令人思緒翻飛。多少美好的事物，往往在消失了之後，人們才會驚覺其可貴。其時，除了緬懷，只有嘆息。
官字兩個口，不提也罷，但市民大眾對不同的觀點，為何不可多點包容？難到香港這個「和諧」社會就容不下一點聲音？那怕你覺得那是噪音。
如果有一天，香港出現為蟋蟀爭取「權益」的事情，想必有人會大叫「你地食法國大餐食到懵Ｘ咗呀？」其實，法國大餐未必餐餐都是多舊魚的。
（P.S. 友人的母親已無大礙，感謝各位的關心。）
星期二, 八月 21, 2007
「仁」「濟」
朋友母親因胃部不適，入院照胃鏡，結果胃本來沒問題，卻照出了問題。
照胃鏡後醫生說一切正常，但其母親卻一直胃痛。情況持續了三天，醫生們的說法一時一樣：有說可能腸部甚麼酵過多引致；有說是之前可能已經在痛（？？）；更有說可能是肝炎（！？），總之，所有可能，無一是跟照胃鏡有關。有痛，只是給一粒止痛藥，完事，然後就是無止境的觀察。結果其母出院往私家醫院求診，診斷結果其胃「穿」了！
雖然不太嚴重，但，這是甚麼醫院？這是甚麼醫生？這是甚麼醫德？
這是怎麼的一種「仁」，「濟」的，又是甚麼？
星期四, 八月 09, 2007
慰藉
人無遠慮，必有近憂。
昨晚去了紅磡，出席上司的喪禮。喪禮以道教形式舉行，在那狹小的靈堂內，有七位身穿道袍的道人在主持儀式。一陣又一陣的頌經聲，終究在自己的臉上，添上一道淚痕。這是我在得悉噩耗後的第一次流淚，想來，也該是最後一次了。
很突然。
好端端的一個人，失踪兩天，同事聯同親友上門尋訪。人，是找到了，可是只剩下一副皮囊。
爆血管－－多麼暴烈的一個詞語，可是事到臨頭應該不會太痛苦吧．．．．．．。
原來遭遇身邊的人離去，你只能期望他走得不太痛苦。
「不太痛苦」竟然變成一種慰藉。
星期一, 六月 11, 2007
苦澀
信報六月八日的一則新聞說，《成都晚報》在六月四日刊登了一則「向堅強的六四遇難者母親致敬」的廣告後，其常務副總編輯被停職。
．．．《成都晚報》於六月四日在第十四版刊登一支香煙大小的這十三字廣告，僅需四十元人民幣，而且只需刊登人的身份證影印本就可以登廣告。
之所以有漏網之魚，只能怪我國的教育太成功。
據報道，決定讓這則廣告刊出的是一名年輕女職員。
女職員從學校畢業不久，她說，她沒聽過天安門事件，她曾經打電話給託登廣告的男子，問對方六四是什麼意思，對方跟她說是一宗礦災的紀念日
看到這裡我忍不住「嗤」一聲笑出來，笑完之後，只剩下滿嘴的苦澀。這就是我們祖國的新一代了。
（P.S. 上文問題的答案：我怕他搶劫我，所以記下所有外貌等徵。）
星期三, 五月 16, 2007
Try to be nice
某日，身處筲箕灣，走在地鐵站的通道，迎面而至的一青年人（十大傑青都三十開外，四十在望了吧）把我截住。
「先生，可否借幾元給我乘車？」那青年問道。
我由上而下快速地把那掃描了一次。男性，中國藉，三十多歲，黑髮，中間界，頭髮有點長，有點油，中等身裁，面寬下巴尖，兩頰下陷，小眼睛，身穿深藍色格仔襯衣，深色直腳牛仔褲。
「尚欠多少？」我打量了他兩眼，開口問道。
「五元。」他手裡拿著一個兩元道。
二話不說，我掏出錢包取零錢，雙目卻緊盯著眼前的男子。
「多謝。」男子收下五元硬幣，就向地鐵出口走了。
整個過程，只花了十秒。
事後回想，我「借錢」給他的原因有三：
一：他是一個四肢健全，年輕有力的男人。
二：他「開價」合理。
三：但求心安而已！
怎麼「一個四肢健全，年輕有力的男人」反而讓我願意「借」錢給他？原因說來有點奇怪。正因為如此好端端的一個男人，怎麼看也不會讓人泛起同情／憐憫／愛惜／可憐之心，要他開口問一個陌路人借錢，恐嚇不容易吧！換著是自己，絕對是情非得已的情況下方會如此行事。當然，這是全然的以己度人。
原因二不消多說，如果他開口要二十元，我都要考慮考慮。那五元是否真的要來乘車，存疑。但肯定不夠他買白粉／ｋ仔／籃精靈（天拿水還可能）。
不過說來說去，原因三才是主因吧！許多事情，做了未必有回報，甚至明知極有可能是「戇居」之舉，但我們為了心安，還是會去做的。付出那五元，不會令我 feel good，但至少不會令我因為自己沒做而 feel bad。
這事說來功利，但做好事，原來可以很功利。
讀報見金維宜的文章介紹美國去年出版的一本書，叫《The Power of Nice》，兩位作者是一家廣告公司的創辦人。她們奉行的「好人政策」（欲知詳情，請買本書回去參詳），據說令「公司人事和諧、人才流年率低、不用花常規那麼多的成本去聘人和付離職費等等」。
我想沒有員工會反對公司對自己好的，不過這不是重點，重點是這裡：做過 nice 的事不一定立時就有正面報酬，它如播種，播過就忘記，種子自己會開花結果，必有人得益、欣賞。與人為善可以產生骨牌應。你對人好，人對你好，多好。所謂好，可以只是日常生活的小事，如對人客氣、多禮、多給小賬、讓座、為人開門、開車讓路讓人、同事講的笑話不好笑也笑笑，如此而已。在與人爭上車開始的一天，整天不開心，而為人扶一下門得回一聲「謝謝」，已經感覺良好。
做任何好事都絕對不問回報，這樣未免矯情。就算不說實質利益，至少我們會期望人家在得到幫助之後會報以感激。可是現實是殘酷的，有時我們會「熱面貼上冷屁股」，更有些人會「好心像雷劈」，更有甚者會恩將仇報。但請不要氣餒，因為我們做好人的終極目的，其實是讓自己 feel good 而已。試想每天都可以 feel good 地生活，這不是最大的回報嗎？
（P.S. 關於如何做好人，我最認同「同事講的笑話不好笑也笑笑」這一項，所以同事們，請識做，下次我搞爛 gag 時不要再報以：「哈哈哈，好好笑」了。）
（P.P.S. IQ 題：為何本人會那麼留意那位借錢青年的樣貌特徵？答中有獎。）
